Nobu - Melbourne

"THERE'S a Nobu in New York, London, Hong Kong and Milan, and now Melbourne has its very own branch of the modern Japanese restaurant where the A-list love to dine." - News.com.au

The A-list, I have always wondered what that really means and what it takes to be on the A-list. Is it like the A-team, a group of soldiers of fame and fortune, wanted for talents that they do not have? Or is it a more than that, maybe a group of people who really contribute to society, being role models for the underprivileged, destitute and easily influenced. I'd never really know because I haven't read a Woman's Weekly in a very long time. I am sure I'd find the answers amongst the glossy pictures of "footballers behaving badly", although Deborah Hutton seems to be in there a lot, so maybe she can tell me.

I might not know what the answer is but I sure like the result. Apparently, if you are on the A-list, hell even if you are C-list, you can get away with pretty much anything. Take, Steven Lawrence. Who you say? Yeah, I have now idea who he is either but he is my hero. Steven Lawrence assaulted a person at a pub last year (caught on camera too - maybe he is famous for that). Anyway, he got away with it. The magistrate, and I quote, said the incident was serious, but noted Lawrence's clean record, supportive character references and that a conviction could harm his career. WOW! So if I am on the C-list I can beat someone up and get away with it! Fantastic...I want to be on the C-list....but why stop there, if I can get on the A-list image what I could get away with. My mind whirled with all the possibilities, I had to find out how, so onto Nobu to find someone and ask how.

Nobu, with its waiters and waitresses all dressed in black with super occa accents looked rather simple but functional. You got a dimly lit room (presumably to conceal the "A-list") brown tables, with brown chairs that were too low matched with brown floors, walls. The chopsticks were those disposable ones you get in the local chinese takeaway, nothing but class. The menu, as the waitress said is different, no entree but its got cold and hot dishes. Um, why did I see entrees on the menu then?...these A-list places are so trendy.

With way too many choices, we went with the tasting menu (its called something Japanese but I forget) which is designed to showcase the chefs skills. Anyway, the menu did have the two signature dishes, the Yellowtail Sashimi with Jalapeno and the Black Cod with Miso, both were Delicious. Definitely go the Black Cod, it is sublime, never mind that it tastes like the marinated eel you get in the supermarkets of Taiwan.




After my meal, I went A-list hunting. Realising that I don't know what a A-list person looks like, my heart sank. I wish they would wear a badge or something, or have something tattooed on their forehead, like "Warning - A-list, I can do anything to you and get away with it". I saw a man there waiting in line, maybe he's on the list, hmmm...better not ask him, he might hit me....what to do....I had to do something, I took a deep breath (kiddies - not a good idea in the toilets) and did what I came to do, go to the toilet.

After using the facilities, I realised that I will probably never know what its like to be on the A-list, so I'll just have to do what ordinary people do in London, wear a hoodie, hit someone from behind and steal their phone.

Nobu
Price: Tasting menu AUD$110
Verdict: Nice modern Japanese set in functional surrounds, the tasting menu is nice but most of the dishses are available at the same quality at any decent Japanese restaurant. Like with any Asian restaurant, the desert is a big let down (green tea ice cream and chocolate pudding - boring) so give it a miss. I would not recommend the tasting menu if you are familar with Japanese food as you will be left underwhelmed for the price. Just order a sushi plate to share and the black cod. Both of these are brilliant.
Score: 3/5

Seat 75D

Made the 23hr flight from London to Melbourne yesterday. For those that have not experienced what must be one of the worst flights in modern day aviation, it means sitting down for one 13 hours stretch, getting off the plane then spending 2 hours waiting around to get back on the plane for another 8 hrs of....well sitting down.

I always fly with Qantas, you know, because I am supposed to be Australian and Qantas is the spirit of Australia and all. Well, after this flight, I have decided that my alliances lie elsewhere. The story goes like this.

Check-in. Silly me forgot to pre-book my seat so I was allocated one of the crap seats on the plane like the other idiots who don't fly often. Can I get an isle seat please, near the front if possible I ask is my bestest british accent and cheesiest smile. Of course Mr Sin, let me see what I can do came the reply from the obviously having a bad day overmade up lady at the counter. Here you go, here are your boarding passes. Hmm...passes I think to myself. Did she give me the Hong Kong to London leg as well? Nope, two tickets, London to Hong Kong and Hong Kong to London. Different seats. Fab! Well, I got aisle seat from Hell. Yep. 75D. Remember that seat folks. If you get it...request another...immediately.

75D, what can I say. Its in the back, not sure why they call it 75D, because, well there is no 75A, B or C. Just an empty space where the door is. I say empty because, its only empty for 10 minutes on take off and landing. The rest of time, it is full of f*cking dutch tourist who will not and cannot sit the f*ck down for the flight. No, they would rather stand there with their ASS on my seat, and sometimes my head! talking about f*ucking Koalas and Kangaroos. For f*cks sake, you paid for a seat so sit your fat asses down it it and stop bugging me because I want to sleep!

Then there is the toilet..well the 4 toilets that are behind me. Although, it smelt like there was only 1.

Okay, crap seat aside. There was also crap service. Well, in the old days. i.e. last year. You sit down, the plan takes off and the air stewardesses come around with a beverage. Nope, not anymore. 1.5 hours in you get lunch, or something that passes off as lunch and a drink. I refuse to ring a bell for a glass of water...so instead I winge about it on the internet. They only came around ONCE in the entire flight with drinks...rubbish. Then there was Kong Kong to Melbourne, where they didn't even do that. I had thankfully moved seats for that, but i was in the middle, but had some pleasant pretend conversations with a lovely old italian lady. I say pretend because I couldn't understand what she was one about.

Anyway, don't fly Qantas, don't sit at the back in the aisles and bring your own bottle of water. Now I am jet lagged like hell but at least I can have left over KFC for breaky!