Seat 75D

Made the 23hr flight from London to Melbourne yesterday. For those that have not experienced what must be one of the worst flights in modern day aviation, it means sitting down for one 13 hours stretch, getting off the plane then spending 2 hours waiting around to get back on the plane for another 8 hrs of....well sitting down.

I always fly with Qantas, you know, because I am supposed to be Australian and Qantas is the spirit of Australia and all. Well, after this flight, I have decided that my alliances lie elsewhere. The story goes like this.

Check-in. Silly me forgot to pre-book my seat so I was allocated one of the crap seats on the plane like the other idiots who don't fly often. Can I get an isle seat please, near the front if possible I ask is my bestest british accent and cheesiest smile. Of course Mr Sin, let me see what I can do came the reply from the obviously having a bad day overmade up lady at the counter. Here you go, here are your boarding passes. Hmm...passes I think to myself. Did she give me the Hong Kong to London leg as well? Nope, two tickets, London to Hong Kong and Hong Kong to London. Different seats. Fab! Well, I got aisle seat from Hell. Yep. 75D. Remember that seat folks. If you get it...request another...immediately.

75D, what can I say. Its in the back, not sure why they call it 75D, because, well there is no 75A, B or C. Just an empty space where the door is. I say empty because, its only empty for 10 minutes on take off and landing. The rest of time, it is full of f*cking dutch tourist who will not and cannot sit the f*ck down for the flight. No, they would rather stand there with their ASS on my seat, and sometimes my head! talking about f*ucking Koalas and Kangaroos. For f*cks sake, you paid for a seat so sit your fat asses down it it and stop bugging me because I want to sleep!

Then there is the toilet..well the 4 toilets that are behind me. Although, it smelt like there was only 1.

Okay, crap seat aside. There was also crap service. Well, in the old days. i.e. last year. You sit down, the plan takes off and the air stewardesses come around with a beverage. Nope, not anymore. 1.5 hours in you get lunch, or something that passes off as lunch and a drink. I refuse to ring a bell for a glass of water...so instead I winge about it on the internet. They only came around ONCE in the entire flight with drinks...rubbish. Then there was Kong Kong to Melbourne, where they didn't even do that. I had thankfully moved seats for that, but i was in the middle, but had some pleasant pretend conversations with a lovely old italian lady. I say pretend because I couldn't understand what she was one about.

Anyway, don't fly Qantas, don't sit at the back in the aisles and bring your own bottle of water. Now I am jet lagged like hell but at least I can have left over KFC for breaky!